She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
