a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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