i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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