Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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