I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize