Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
