Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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