do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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