I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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