all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
