I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
