my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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