I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
