i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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