Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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