the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
