I accidentally had phone sex last night
someone threw a dead crab at me
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
