Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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