I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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