dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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