Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
