My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
