The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
