I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
