Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
