I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
