at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
