Just fell off a train. Bad.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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