my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize