problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
