he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize