Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
