If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
