well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
