Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
