You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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