Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Terrible idea I love it
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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