quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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