You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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