Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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