You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
