I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
