i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize