i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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