I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Please, let me fuck your mom
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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