I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
