You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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