This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize