before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
