so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
