OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
As shirtless as possible
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
