did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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