i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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