next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
