***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
