Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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