They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
