This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
