Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
