I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
