She is in my trunk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
