Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
