His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
