I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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