Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There r osticjed everywhere
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
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