For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
