i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
We left the knife in your bed.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
