Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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