smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
